Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Vagina
pussy, bearded clam, vertical smile, beaver, cunt, trim, hair pie, bearded ax wound, tuna taco, fur burger, cooch, cooter, punani, snatch, twat, lovebox, box, poontang, cookie, fuckhole, love canal, flower, nana, pink taco, cat, catcher's mitt, muff, roast beef curtains, the cum dump, chocha, black hole, sperm sucker, fish sandwich, cock warmer, whisker biscuit, carpet, love hole, deep socket, cum craver, cock squeezer, slice of heaven, flesh cavern, the great divide, cherry, tongue depressor, clit slit, hatchet wound, honey pot, quim, meat massager, chacha, stinkhole, black hole of calcutta, cock socket, pink taco, bottomless pit, dead clam, cum crack, twat, rattlesnake canyon, bush, cunny, flaps, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, gash, glory hole, grumble, man in the boat, mud flaps, mound, peach, pink, piss flaps, the fish flap, love rug, vadge, the furry cup, stench-trench, wizard's sleeve, DNA dumpster, tuna town, split dick, bikini bizkit, cock holster, cockpit, snooch, kitty kat, poody tat, grassy knoll, cold cut combo, Jewel box, rosebud, curly curtains, furry furnace, slop hole, velcro love triangle, nether lips, where Uncle's doodle goes, altar of love, cupid's cupboard, bird's nest, bucket, cock-chafer, love glove, serpent socket, spunk-pot, hairy doughnut, fun hatch, spasm chasm, red lane, stinky speedway, bacon hole, belly entrance, nookie, sugar basin, sweet briar, breakfast of champions, wookie, fish mitten, fuck pocket, hump hole, pink circle, silk igloo, scrambled eggs between the legs, black oak, Republic of Labia, juice box, Golden Palace, fetus flaps, skins, sausage wallet. Holiest of Holies, sugar hole, The Death of Adam, home plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw, Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler (Aussie), Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, crack, Melvin, Dove Breast, Brakepads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums, Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts, Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants (Sweden), Ninja Boot, Marcia (Aussie), Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole, Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Sausage Wallet, Front Bottom, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll, Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie (China), Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket, Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, kitty cage, Chicken's tongue, Conch shell, Crack of heaven, Dog's mouth, Door of life, Fly catcher, Fruit cup, Jelly roll, Lobster pot, bunny tuft, KNISH, her asshole neighbor, lotus, nappy dugout, moneymaker, womens weapon, tackle box, bone hider, red sea, pizzo, jizz receptical, The Helmut Hide-A-Way, hairy heaven, furry 8 ball rack, crave cave, arbys with fur, fish canyon, toolshed, snake charmer, Furby, Enchilada of love, Ham sandwich, Camarillo brillo, Brazilian caterpillar, dick rack, boy in the canoe, flesh tuxedo, Mound of Venus, queef quarters, Venus butterfly, cooter, cream canal, poontang pie, wet mark, private area, thresher, punash, salami garage, tunnel of love, slurpee machine, pink cookie, penalty box, ground zero, meat crease, bait, birth canal, holy grail, pole hole, pork pie, fuzz bucket, one-eyed python trail, bubble gum by the bum, stink rink, theme park, saloon doors, pink truffle, bitter & twisted, burger bar, meat counter, temperamental ringpiece, python syphon, big bud, the Wombsday Book, the condo downstate, snake lake, the indoor barbecue, pound cake, beef tomato, tickled pink, launch pad, horn of plenty, the indoor picnic, hamper of goodies, flapped bap, bonefish, close encounter with the turd kind, sperm bank, man's charity bash, bush tucker, midnight dip, the one-door vulva, the welcome opponent, the Twatlantic Ocean, temporary lodgings, field of dreams, bean, cooze, old catchers mitt, devil's hole, lucy, pish buffet, pooswaa, poonaner, davey jones locker, pink panther, tinker bell, south mouth, dick eater, wonder bread, wolly bolly, foxhole, hot pocket, head catcher, Lawrence of A Labia, silk funnel, dick driver, purple people penis eater, meat curtains, ponchita, cherry pop tart, fat rabbit, scunt, pee jaws, mingus, The Notorious V.A.G., stench trench, poon jab, nappy dugout, babyoven, penis parking, cooter muffin, the promised land, cock pocket, cha cha, the shrine, bitch ditch, fury pink mink, mammal hole, ever-lasting cum stopper, the toothless blow job, happy flappy, wilt chamberlian's daily glove, the code defierthe salt water taffy factory, mommy's pie, the easy bake oven, the deflower patch, the virginator, the schlong sucker, the dea bone patch, the vegitarian's temptation, the vegan store, the blow hole, the pump protector, bag pipe, Spitball Bullseye, meat wagon, pickle stinker, jezebel's smell, yoni, willys haven, scrumpter, peach, sweat box, yeast pocket, penis warmer, tampon tunnel, penis pothole, cucumber canal, egg drop Box, sperm shack, dick dungeon, cock curator, b.o.b.'s bungalow, mommy parts, tuna pot pie, nice slice, peter vise, cock sock, rack of clam, peters grove, penis purse, grandest canyon, fish dish, banana box, tuna spread, pink portal, count fapula, red river gorge, happy valley, revolving in/out door, baby zipper, richards house, stop-n-pop, bone polisher, packin shack, weiner wrap, clap trap, camel toe, dildo hotel, axe gash, pearl hotel, sea food six pack, clam canal, coose canal, dick deposit, wand waxer, vidgie, erie canal, candy kiss, gauntlet, round mound of beehound,lick n' stick, lap flounder, tomahawk chop, chin-chin, pachinko, cuntry pie, lip tip, the big casino, one eyed worm hole, amazon forest, cock cave, fuck donut, coochie pop, babby, wet seal, pissy froth hole, bald biscuit, the unmentionable, mans ruin, peeshie, hairy potter, courtney cocksleve, panty hamster,deep pink, jaws of life, gizmo, faith, cock magnet, slippery slide, Meat tunnel, pink heaven, squid, dick basket, hot spot, poochika, pudding, bowl, love cave, squeeze-box, quim, honey pot, the bone collector, goodie basket, depository, pink turtleneck, bread-box, little debbie, pole hole, pandora's box, snail tracker, cuntzilla, homebase, pud pocket, bear trap, indian bones and the temple of poon, chanch, big montana, noochie, choot, golden valley, nappy roots, dick mitten, mystical fold.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Queens is the county.
I haven't posted in a hot minute and that's because I've been enjoying all that my home borough has to offer, among other things.
I don't mean to brag. I don't mean to boast, but I'm intercontinental.
In the past couple weeks, I've caught Nepal's #1 band (1974 A.D.) while dining on delectable Nepali, Tibetan and Indian cuisine. I've seen the city's #1 Eastern European brass band (Slavic Soul Party) rage the basement of the Central Library in Jamaica. I've had fresh made dumplings in a food court in downtown Flushing. I also saw the world's best live drum & bass solo drummer (KJ Sawka).
Spring has sprung and life is good!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Slavic Soul Party!
This raucous Eastern European brass band will bring their Balkan beats to the Queens Central Library in Jamaica this afternoon at 3pm as part of Carnegie Hall's Neighborhood Concert series.
MYSPACE!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Phish 3D
Last Halloween's Phish festival, which featured an acoustic set and a full album cover of the Rolling Stones' Exile on Main Street, was captured in 3D and will be released in theaters April 30. Preview screenings will take palce in select cities including Brooklyn's Pavilion Theatre in Park Slope. I'll be pregaming at Bar 4.
WATCH TRAILER HERE!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Grateful Dead + Belgian ale
Last night, I finally went to check out a weekly Dead acoustic night at The Belgian Room with my dad and my girlfriend.
The band is Star '69, an expansive collective of Deadcentric musicians committed to bringing live Dead to the masses, who were kind enough to play my Memorial Day barbecue last summer.
They covered an array of my favorite Dead tunes (Morning Dew, Sugaree, Mexicali Blues, etc) and some Beatles and Stones tunes as well.
The vibe was extremely laid back. We sat on a couch playing Scabble while indulging in the tasty Belgian style ales and free pomme frites (another plus).
The people sitting at the bar, bartender included, were discussing Phish tour and reveling in the tunes.
So, everyone should come down next week and the week after and so on and build this up into a fun, friendly night of Dead music.
It's every Monday night 8-12.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Jam Banned
Save the world from the evils of jam band music in this hilariously accurate Sarah Silverman video game. A Jew hating on jam bands? Now I've seen everything!
PLAY HERE!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
FILM REVIEW: Alice In Wonderland 3D
You're mad, bonkers, off your head! But I'll tell you a secret: All the best people are.
I really don't get out to the movies as much as I'd like to. I'm more likely to spend my disposable income on live music and my attention span does not lend itself to sitting still for more than an hour.
I think that the last three movies I saw in the theater were 3D and this was no exception. Aspect ration and popcorn butter aside, 3D is the sole element of the movie experience that cannot be replicated at home.
I went in with low expectations and I was still disappointed.
The visuals were amazing, but that's a given at this point for 3D film. The story left much to be desired, and I was already checking the time less than halfway through the movie.
My girlfriend pointed out the overwhelming focus on fashion. From the period piece costume of the real world intro to the whimsical Wonderland wardrobes, the clothes couldn't be ignored. Alice went through several costume changes and various haberdashery concoctions of The Mad Hatter were highlighted. It doesn't bode well for the overall impact of a film that the main thing we could say about it was the clothes were nice. Clothes should be part of the scenery and not overpower the plotline, which incorporated numerous elements seemingly designed to showcase a new dress or hat.
Johnny Depp's histrionic calculated wackiness is becoming grating. It didn't work in Tim Burton's last failed re-imagining of a classic children's novel-turned-film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and, while slightly less irritating, it didn't work here.
Tim Burton, he of a current MoMA retrospective, has always incorporated a delightfully demented artistic element to his films and has often been a pioneer in new cinema technique, a prime example being the revolutionary claymation cult classic The Nightmare Before Christmas. But he used to be a great storyteller too. I hope he's gotten the remake bug out of his system and he returns to the contemporary fractured fairy tales like Edward Scissorhands and Big Fish that manage to dazzle visually while still retaining the human element that makes for stories to which one can continually return.
Live To Skate / Skate Or Die
Once, as a counselor at a Jewish day camp in 1999 or so, I got in a bit of trouble for wearing an arts and crafts necklace emblazoned with that exact sentiment.I used to skateboard a lot in my younger years and I just recently started again. I never really stopped entirely, but I stopped seeking it out. Somewhere along the line, I lost that motivation. It's funny because I remember coming out to Queens in my high school days to skate spots like the Unisphere and MacDonald Park. Now, I live within a few miles radius of both spots, but I never go there.
A couple weeks ago was the first nice weekend of the season and the skateboard bug came out of nowhere and bit me, so I called up my friend and he brought over his funbox. I'm still not too good, but it felt great rolling around and trying boardslides and heelflips again.
Today, that same friend hit me up with the news that there will be a skateboard competition this June in Flushing Meadow Corona Park, home of the Unisphere, which is practically in my backyard. I believe it's sponsored by the same people that own the Sacramento Kings and a casino or two.
The best part about the competition is the park being created for the event. It incorporates elements inspired by various legendary NYC skate spots like the Brooklyn Banks and Union Square. The mixtape skate park will be open for all when the competition wraps up.
READ MORE HERE!
Friday The 13th Part 2
a silly Sunday morning game:
1. Put your iPod on shuffle (fuck iPods; Sansa Clip+ motherfucker!).
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.....
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Goodmorning Sun - Qua
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Ras G - Ras G
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Too Much, Too Much - Liars
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Save Me Dear - Wu-Tang vs The Beatles
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
We Never Go In - Tim Cohen
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Silent - Wu-Tang
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
When I Met You - Daniel Johnston
WHAT IS 2+2?
The Frontline (Liberation) - Madlib
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stylo (featuring Bobby Womack & Mos Def) - Gorillaz
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lazy Girls Hangout - The Bambi Molestors
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Era Uma Nota De - Loyce E Os Gnomes
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Som Imaginario De Jimmi Hendrix - The Pops
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
C Town - Javelin
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Dada Polka - The Magnetic Fields
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
In The Swim - Nobody Presents Blank Blue
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Block Rock - Wu-Tang
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
You And I > (02/20/10 Calvin Theatre, Northampton, MA) - The Disco Biscuits
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lindsay Brohan - Javelin
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Nice Tights - Jogger
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Polvere Di Stelle - White Hills
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Liquor Pang (feat. Josh Cohen & Ryan Scully from the Morning 40) - Galactic
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Child of My Kingdom - Arthur Brown
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Seven Years - David Byrne & Fatboy Slim
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
End - The White Stripes
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Sans Soleil - Computer Perfection
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Jelly Beans - Daniel Johnston
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Release Yo Self - Wu-Tang vs The Beatles
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Foxy Girl - Daniel Johnston
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Friday The 13th Part 2 - Vacations
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Still t.D.B. (New Marn 3:16 track)*
Still Marnstein and T-D-B (Guess who's back)
Still, still doing that shit, right?
Oh for sure, check me out
It's still Marn Day, the hard way
Before I chrome the lot, can't keep it home a lot
'cause when I frequent the spots that I'm known to rock
You hear the bass from the trunk when I'm on the block
Ladies, they pay homage, but haters say Barbz can't mend
How? The last album was "Planet Anthem"
They want to know if he still got it
They say the scene's hot, they want to know how I feel about it
The scene is goin' down!
Marnstein is the name, I'm ahead of my game
Still, puffing my leafs, shuttin' down H.o.B.
Still not loving police
Still rock my fitteds flat breezy no crease
Still got love for the streets, repping T.D.B.
Still Ginger beats bang, still doing my thang
Since Barbz broke, ain't too much changed, still
[CHORUS]
I'm representing for them gangsters all across the world
Still hitting them corners in them low low's girl
Still taking my time to perfect the beat
And I still got love for the kiidz, it's the T-D-B
Since the last time you heard from me I lost some friends
Well, hell, me and T-Ham dipping again
Kept my ear to the streets, dropped an Anthem
It's triple platinum, doing 50 a week
Still, I stay close to Magz heat
And even when I was close to defeat, I rose to my feet
My life is like a soundtrack I wrote to the beat
Treat this like Sour Deez, I smoke till I sleep
Wake up in the A.M., compose a beat
I bring the fire till you're soaking in your seat
It's not a fluke, it's been tried, I'm the troof
It's "Turn Out the Lights" from the World Class Wreckin' Cru
I'm still at it, after Barbz static
In the home of cheesesteaks, it's automatic
Broken arms, sticky green, and bad traffic
I dip through then I get skin, T-D-B
[CHORUS]
It ain't nothing but more hot shit
Another classic CD for y'all to vibe with
Whether you're cooling on a corner with your fly bitch
Laid back in the shack, play this track
I'm representing for the gangsters all across the world
Still hitting them corners in them low low's girl
I'll melt your face, damn near put your brain in your lap
Try to be the king but Marnstein is back
So if you ain't up on thangs
Marnstein be the name still running the game
Still got it wrapped like a mummy
Still ain't tripping, love to take all your fucking money
Spend time on the stage, taught the noobs how to rage
Hit my boys off with jobs, no more living hard
Untzin' every day, driving fancy cars
Still gonna' get mine regardless
Like that, right back up in ya
'06 plus four pennies
Add that shit up, T-D-B right back on top of thangs
Smoke some with your brahs
No stress, no seeds, no stems, no sticks!
Some of that real sticky icky
A little weed, put it in the air
For you's a noob
*not an actual Marn 3:16 track
See everyone at Triscuitron in Brooklyn!
I'm Not Going Anywhere...
I'm perfectly content right here
Settled in in my own skin
Breathing in this atmosphere
And maybe you have expectations
Of what my next step should be
As if my success depends
On leaving this reality
And everything that I am doing
Isn't the means to an ends
It's a means to creating
A meaningful existence
And I just wanna sing
With my friends
~ Kimya Dawson (The Bundles)
The Disco Biscuits Just Can't Win
So after yesterday's loss of Barber to injury, the Biscuits actually put on, by all accounts, a stellar first set at the House of Blues in Boston. Guitarists Chris Michetti of RAQ and my doppelganger Joey Z. of Indobox lent a helping hand, and for a few hours, it seemed like the Biscuits were taking the lemon and making some interesting sonic lemonade.
Then, all hell broke loose. The second set had to be canceled due to "technical difficulties." It seems that the venue is at fault here, but a select group of "fans" didn't seem to care and pelted the stage with beers and other assorted debris. The frustration over a lackluster album, a guitarist's string of injuries and a general incompetence in all areas of management finally came to an ugly head.
I'm a little embarrassed to be a part of a fan base that feels entitled to react to disappointment in such an immature way, but hopefully this will provide the impetus needed to blow the roof off Brooklyn Bowl tomorrow night.
The Disco Biscuits' associates, the DJ trio Orchard lounge, endured a similar situation in regards to show cancellation last month. After a two night stand at a slightly illegal loft venue was interrupted by the police before they took the stage on night one, the promoters scrambled to secure a venue for night two, and successfully moved the Valentine's Day throwdown to the incredibly appropriate (in name and sound system) Club Love. Orchard Lounge stepped up to the plate and hit that one out of the park. I expect the Biscuits to do the same.
Friday, March 19, 2010
That's What She Said...
is officially done. From now on, in appropriate situations, please replace this dated phrase with, "That reminds me of a porno I once saw."
That is all.
That is all.
Barber Broke My Weekend!
What a maroon! Disco Biscuits guitarist/vocalist Jon "The Barber" Gutwillig somehow managed to break his wrist last night smack dab in the middle of a Northeast run on the heels of an album release. You might chalk this up to bad luck, except that he's sustained several serious injuries over the last 10 years or so, all of which negatively affected the band, either in terms of canceled gigs or subpar playing. I love this band, but their lack of professionalism constantly astounds me. Their management seems to be primarily composed of stoned teenagers, which is probably half true.
At any rate, the show must go on. As of now, tonight's Boston show is free and Indobox's guitarist will be filling in. Sunday's Brooklyn show will feature Brothers Past's Tom Hamilton on guitar and a TBD "very very special" guest. No word on Montclair tomorrow.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
JANK REDUX!
A surreal live-music-driven dance party. Dirty electronics and live musicians (horns, drums, human beat box), regurgitating old genres like early ska, early hip-hop, techno and house and playing it raw, glitchy and original. With: experimental circus composer Sxip Shirey (backed by Raya Brass Band rhythm section & trumpet), handmade contraption orchestra Electric Junkyard Gamelan, international rhythm wrangler DJ Barney Iller. Janky visuals by Sebastian Patane Masuelli. Live custom silkscreen prints by Printaholics Crew - bring fabric items to print (clothing, bags, etc).
I haven't been to one of these Brooklyn-style warehouse/loft ragers in quite some time. And something about the phrase "handmade contraption orchestra" warms the cockles of my soul. Join me, won't you?
My VHS Collection
Brooklyn Biscuits stickers!
This is a design I came up with back in October at the Brooklyn Brewery before the Disco Biscuits show at Brooklyn Bowl. Luckily, the Biscuits will be back there this Sunday. See you there!
I took the Brooklyn Brewery logo:
and the Disco Biscuits logo:
and came up with this:
Thanks to Josh B. for the design work.
I took the Brooklyn Brewery logo:
and the Disco Biscuits logo:
and came up with this:
Thanks to Josh B. for the design work.
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